John's Lawn

Hello everyone, welcome back to my tales of torment from the known unknowns. I’m still trying to get you guys all caught up to pace with everything that was going on. I am torn between happy and exasperated to inform you all that while everything has somewhat settled down, a lot of bullshit has happened. This will be my second to last tale from way back in the past, and unfortunately, it isn’t going to be the most joyful. It started about a week after the events of the last post.

The higher ups hadn’t sent us any more information on whether or not we would be amplifying the lighthouse again, which was music to my ears. Or rather, radio silence to my ears? Considering we hadn’t captured pretty much anything the night Megami came, I was concerned they would ask us to turn it up for the next two days or something.

“Xavier, get your ass out here!” I heard, Right as I finished putting some turkey on my sandwich. Putting the rest of it together I headed outside to see what Bill needed.

“Yeah? What’s going on?” I asked, biting into my turkey, whitebread, and mayo creation.

“I’ve gotta teach you somethin’ new. Legitimate hand to hand combat. You gotta understand how to handle shit if you either run outta ammo, or you lose your gun. There’s only so much you can do on instinct, especially if a shade has training. Y’see, you’ve got some muscles and a gun, but that’s all you’ve got. Finish what you’re eatin’ then get your ass over here.” He was standing in a small training field to the left of the lifting equipment, slowly putting on hand wraps.

I took my time eating, I didn’t feel like working, “vomiting” into my busy schedule of workouts. But eventually the time came and I made my way over.

“Alright boy, you strike me as the type to learn from experience, so that’s what we’re gonna do.” Bill said, tossing me a pair of hand wraps.

“Okay then, so you’re gonna beat the shit out of me until I figure it out?” I joked.

“No, I’m going to show you how each move is done, then I want you to try it on me. If you get it right, then I’ll beat the shit out of you.” He retorted.

“That sounds… counterintuitive.”

“Just get over here and let me show you how to put those on.”

After a few hours of Bill showing me how to fight, I was actually starting to get the hang of it. I don’t know any of the moves names, but he went through what works and why it does. Essentially showing me how to counter and set up my own attacks. It was interesting to see him so serious about something like this, and I got the sense something else was up.

On one of our breaks, I decided to bring it up, “Is everything good? I’ve never seen you…” I paused, trying to think of the right words, “Well, like this.”

“In case I end up dying, I wanna make sure you can handle yourself. You and I both know the government ain’t gonna stop running this place just cause everyone here died. I’m tryin to prevent as many deaths as possible. You seem to be one of the few people capable enough to run this place when I’m dead. I gotta make sure you’re well off enough to carry on and train the future workers here.” He responded nonchalantly.

“Why are you constantly expect- nevermind, that’s a dumb question.”

He opened up a little after some contemplation, “Well yeah, there’s that… but there’s also more. I know you’re gonna ask me what I mean so I’mma tell you now, leave it alone.” He paused, “Why don’t you go make us some lunch. We’ll take a break from training for the rest of the day. You must be sore.”

“For sure, I’ll get something started.” I turned, feeling the ache in my abdomen as I headed for the lighthouse.

“Make up something big, I wanna show you somethin’. I think you’ll be excited by it.” He yelled to me as he headed toward a storage shed around the back of the lighthouse.

“You got it!” I shouted back, closing the door behind me.

I got some cans of chili and green beans, a loaf of  “I can’t believe this is supposed to be bread,” some butter, and garlic. 

Essentially, the bread is made to last for six months in dry storage. It’s a precaution in case some world ending catastrophe happens that prevents them from making shipments for a while. Unfortunately, this means the bread has almost no flavor and feels like cardboard. But if you make some garlic bread out of it, it’s tolerable. Of course we do get some regular bread too, but I used up the last of it with my sandwich before training.

As I finished heating up the chili and green beans, I heard Bill come in through the door. I turned to my left, seeing he had a box under one arm, and a small flat screen under the other, “Um, you need some help?”

He headed toward the dining area without saying anything and began setting up everything that was in the box. There was a laptop, some cables and a few movies. As he began setting up the tv, I pulled the garlic bread out of the oven and started prepping our food. “Hey Bill, everything okay?”

“Yeah, just bring over everything when it’s ready, this is gonna be a one time thing. The suits don’t know I have this stuff here.” He stated, almost robotically.

Bringing over bowls of food, I noticed him placing an obscure looking movie into the disk tray. I don’t remember the name of it, and for the life of me I can’t figure out where it went. But it was a high fantasy akin to “Lord of the Rings.”

About half the movie passed before I said anything, “You know, I never pegged you as the kind of guy to like fantasy. Got a soft spot for it or something?”

I heard a jostling coming from his pocket, “Yeah.” He grunted, “Always liked the idea of bein’ able to go on a miraculous adventure. Savin’ people and bringing justice to the evils of the world.” He sighed, “Just wish I could be doin’ that instead of this y’know?” There was a hint of sorrow in his tone, “Life there may be shit, but there’s a whole lot less gray area than there is here.” There was some more jostling before he pulled a small black canister out of his pocket.

“What’s in there?”

“This was that private shipment I was talking about last week. I think it’s time you take it.” He popped it open and dropped the contents into his hand. It was three tiny pill shaped crystals. They were glowing a dim white, looking at them gave me a feeling of familiarity.

“These will improve you, make you stronger. It isn’t by much, but they’ll essentially increase your potential as a human.” He asserted.

“Doesn’t look like a shakewadey to me.” I retorted sarcastically.

“I’m bein’ serious. Though, they’ll put your ass on the ground for a few days. The first one will at least. You’ll need to take one of these any time you feel good enough to do so.” He handed me one, “Take it with some water. I’ll leave the rest where you can find ‘em. I’ll be fine on my own for a few days so don’t worry about me.”

Holding it, I felt some sort of rejuvenating energy coming from it. Like I was taking a bath at a hot spring. “Alright then, here goes nothing.” I popped it in my mouth and drank a glass of water. A few minutes later, I felt a mix of pleasure and pain coming from my stomach, before everything faded to black.

I awoke again almost immediately, finding myself in an unrecognizable place. Yet, it felt like I’d been there my whole life. It was a wide open circular room with winding corridors carved into every possible aspect of the wall around me. I began heading in a direction that felt right.

When I got to one of the hallways, I hesitated before stepping into it. As I did, I was transported to a void, the only thing residing there was my voice. “Who are you?” “Why have you come?” “What do you lack?” “What do you need?” “What do you desire?” All of this played out at once by different renditions of my own voice. 

“Are you being rhetorical by asking who I am? That sounds like a very me thing to do.” I responded.

The version of me that asked that question responded, “Who are you really, beyond your selfish desires and labels? What makes you who you are?”

As understanding hit me, so too did a wave of depersonalization. That’s a good question, who am I really? “I’m just a guy I suppose. Someone who’s concerned about what will happen in the future.”

My voice responded, “Who are you Xavier? Why do you continue to do what you’re terrified of?”

“Isn’t the money a good enough reason?”

“Selfish, selfish, selfish.” My voice chanted back at me, the meaning sending me into a daze.

“In all honesty, I know that if I leave, so many people are going to die. Of course, I can’t leave if I want to out of fear of death. But beyond that, I don’t want other people to die because I didn’t feel like sticking around. I’m just someone who can’t help but take on pain if it means other people don’t have to suffer.”

“And?” My voice asked.

“And, in a weird way, I kind of enjoy it. Sure, every day brings a new possibility of death, but this is the first time in my life I feel like I’m making a difference. It’s… rejuvenating I guess.” I chuckled at the absurdity.

The second me spoke up, “Why are you here then? If not for selfish purposes.”

My daze was beginning to lift, “Well that one is a bit more for my own benefit. I mean getting stronger is nice. But at the same time, I need to be able to handle myself in case something happens to Bill. He’s been weird lately and I’m not sure if he’s dying of something or what. If he ends up gone tomorrow, I won’t be able to handle everything on my own.”

“Tell me, what is it you are lacking?” The third voice spoke.

“Talent.” I stated.

“You’re lying to yourself in so many more ways than usual right now. What are you lacking?” My voice asked, rage creeping into his voice.

I thought for a minute, “A skill that will allow me to hold my own.”

“If that is so, what skill do you need to handle yourself?” The fourth voice questioned.

“Something to help me when I have no other options. Something that I can be proud of. Something that will allow me to stand up for myself no matter the situation.” I replied, confidence beginning to build in me.

“Then tell me, what is it you desire to achieve your goals?” The final voice inquired.

“Strength.” I answered without hesitation.

Then a new voice came from the void, my exact voice, “What does strength mean to us?”

I thought for hours, debating what strength looked like to me. A stray memory made its way through my mind. A far off residual presence I’d long forgotten. It was a memory of my dad, before I was old enough to talk.

He was reading to me from a large book, one far too complicated for a kid to understand. It was about a man who was constantly knocked down and treated like shit. But no matter what he went through, he persisted. Determination never allowing him to falter no matter what.

As this memory bounced through my mind, I spoke unconsciously, “Will power.” Saying this launched me back to reality and I found myself in one of the cells we held shades, gasping for air and sore all over.

I looked across from me, one of the shades we’d captured staring at me with a grin from another cell. “You look pretty rough buddy, how’s it feel to be on that side of the bars?” His gurgling voice was unsettling.

“What happened?” I questioned.

“Not sure, your coworker kinda just dropped you in there a few days ago.” A realization dawned on me as he finished. If that was the case, that meant shade collection would be happening at some point today. I couldn’t stay locked up, who knew what they’d do to me.

I ran to the bars, trying to reach the thumb print pad, but it was out of reach. After a few more minutes of trying to reach it, I gave up. Sitting in the middle of the cell to think. Was there really any way out if I couldn’t touch the thumbpad? If there was, a shade probably would’ve escaped by now. We have captured some intelligent ones, but still.

“You trynna pop a blood vessel over there?” The creature across from me inquired with a sinister snicker.

“Just shut it, I don’t plan on getting taken along with all of you. Even if I do work here, if I’m locked up they might assume I turned into a vampire or something.”

He began cackling, “Oh no, if you were vampirised you would’ve combusted by now, they know that. Trust me, the government has their nose in us for a reason.”

I paused, “What do you mean combusted?”

Grating could be heard from the left side of the hall, sunlight followed soon after, along with two sets of feet. “You can ask your coworker when he gets here. I’m sure he knows more than me.” He let out a chuckle and headed to the back wall, letting out a chuckle.

I heard a woman’s voice first, it was familiar, “I can’t believe you treat them like this. Your government knows no bounds.”

Next was Bill’s voice, “I agree. But no matter what you do, more kids are just gonna die. You understand that right? I know you’re not stupid.”

“You seem to forget, I don’t care about human lives. There’s plenty of you out there. Spiritual being like myself on the other hand, we’re shorter in number. If you break us down by species and race, you can see the massive difference. I’d much rather the government do experiments on human children. You understand right?” The woman finished, reaching my cell shortly after.

“Yeah, here he is. Had to lock him up. The lighthouse caused some kinda mutation or somethin’ in him. Woke up one mornin’ and he was levitatin’ in bed. I didn’t have a choice really.”

The woman turned to me and I realized who it was, “Megami? Bill, what are you doing here with her?”

“Listen kid.” He turned to me, his somber gaze piercing me. “I can’t keep watch over the lighthouse anymore. Neither can you, they’re gonna take you away. Don’t matter what happens here, neither of us’re gonna see the light of day again.” His eyes began to water, but he blinked the tears back.

“Alright, now I know he’s here, I have no reason to keep you alive. I’ll be sure and keep the future employees plenty of company.” Megami used her hand, stabbing Bill in the gut. He toppled to the floor, blood spewing from his stomach.

A minute or so passed before Megami turned to leave,“Y’know, this ain’t as bad as I thought.” Bill wheezed out, turning his head to the ceiling and smiling. He coughed a few times, “I always figured it’d hurt more. I mean sure,” he coughed a few more times, “This hurts like a motherfucker ‘n’ all, but overall, not so bad.”

As she began walking, Bill started wheezing again, “Down some ale… chew yer bread. For she’s a comin’,” He coughed again, “Upon ye night.”

Megami paused, “Do you really want to mock me right now? I could make your death far more painful.”

Bill chuckled with a hack, “Just reminded me of my sailin’ days. You…” he coughed a few more times, “Y-you remember that one, don’t ya? They wrote it cause a you.” She sneered, heading back to where she’d come from.

I’d been sitting in the middle of my cell in shock, “B-Bill? What’s going on? H-how do I save you? I-I mean, there’s gotta be a way! You had a plan didn’t you?”

Hysterical laughter permeated the air, it was the shade in the cell across from me, “You dumbass, that was the plan!”

“N-no, Bill’s, Bill’s a smart guy, he, he wouldn’t have done all of this to die!” Streaks of water began flowing down my face, “SO WHAT’S THE PLAN!” I cried out.

“Kid…” Bill chuckled, clearing his throat as best he could, “Remember what I said about gettin’ attached? This is one of those moments. You gotta stay strong, cause if you don’t, more people’re just gonna die. You’re up to bat now, make it worth the run.” He hacked some more, laying still after.

“What do you expect me to do? I-I just got here compared to you!” I white knuckled the bars of my cell as I cried, “Do you really think I can train some newbie?”

“You’re really a stick in the mud kid, I haven’t taught ya anything new in a month.” He coughed, “Aside from the combat trainin’ of course. Haven’t ya realized? When was the last time I got on your ass about something.” As his voice raised, he fell into another fit, “Fuck, you can do it, have faith in yourself.”

Just then, something came over me. A sudden moment of realization, I looked to him, wiping tears from my eyes, “W-wait, you really mean that?”

“You really have grown, you should be proud of yourself. Not many people… fight as long… as you…” He trailed off, “I… I think it’s… high time… I leave ya to it…”

Tears continued streaming down my face, “I won’t let you down” escaped my mouth. My muscles couldn’t keep me up as I collapsed to the ground, crying relentlessly.

I woke up some hours later to a man shouting, “Looks like Bill didn’t make it after all!”

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, trying to remember where I was. As my eyes adjusted, I saw a man in a black combat suit staring into my soul. When my brain caught up to the situation, I stumbled out what I could, “Megami killed Bill after he locked me in here. I couldn’t-”

The man wouldn’t let me finish, “Xavier, right?”

“I mean yeah I guess, wh-”

He cut me off again, “We know what happened, he tried to get backup. But we didn’t have the resources. Lot’s of shit been going on lately. Let me get you out of there, you’re one lucky son of a bitch Bill knew what he was doing.” He touched the thumbpad, unlocking the cell door.

A voice called out from behind him, “Oh come on, you’re letting my cellmate go? I thought we were really starting to get along.”

The man’s face reformed to fit his new emotions, “I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANY ONE OF YOU SHADE FUCKERS TALKING, OR I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL KILL YOU ON THE SPOT!” The echo from the metal room we were in resounded for a good 30 seconds.

“I guess, I’ll be on my way.” I said, taking a glance down at Bill’s pale body.

“Yes you will. Nightfall’s in a few hours. You’ll be keeping watch by yourself until we get a new hire. Until then, keep doing your job.” He mumbled something under his breath before shouting down the other end of the hallway, “Alright get your ass over here with that body bag! Bring a couple others too, we’ve got some talkers!”

My way to the lighthouse was a blur, I barely remember closing up the ground panel to the cells. Inside, I headed to the cabinet and pulled out the last can of chili. The next thing I remember was pouring it into a bowl to microwave it, which is when I found the note. It was from Bill, taped to the bottom of the can.

“Get my laptop from the shack. It’s in a panel under the carpet. Code is ****” Say what you will, I’m not giving you guys any of his codes, “Laptop code is ******.”

I pulled the note off, put the can down, and glanced out the kitchen window, “Crazy motherfucker.” Running out to the shack, I swung open the door. I grabbed the crowbar I’d seen leaning against the wall a few times and pushed the carpet aside; seeing a couple planks that made up the floor were more worn than the others. Prying them up took a few minutes, but once I got them, the floor safe was all too obvious. Putting in the code, I opened it to see a hikers bag, a laptop and some cables. I pulled it all out just in case, then put the floor back in order, before heading back to the lighthouse.

Setting everything down at the dining room table, I noticed my earpiece laying at the far end. I put it in before setting up the laptop and typing in the code. There was only one file on the desktop labeled, “For Xavier.” I hesitated momentarily, before deciding it would be best to look into it now.

Opening the file revealed a list of documents and other files, I opened the document labeled, “Read Me” before anything else, “Hey kid, guess the time finally came. I’ve been planning this since you finished your first month here. Initially I kinda figured you’d croak pretty early on, guess that’s calling the kettle black now though.

“Whatever, I’m sure you don’t want me reminding you of that. Despite me tellin’ you to not care about me, I know you did. That’s not something ya just stop doin’, it’s somethin’ ya learn with time I guess. At least, that’s how it went for me.

“I’m not sure how long it’s been since I’ve died, but I’m hoping it’s pretty soon after everything happened. I don’t want ya to find this months after you’ve gotten over my death, cause somethin’ like that can break a man.

“Anyway, in case I couldn’t say anything to you for whatever reason, I want you to know, I’ve got faith in ya. You’re just a kid, and you’ve still got so much room to grow, look at where you are now, and know you’ve still got a whole hell of a lot more potential. I know I know, you’re just some kid from the coast without a family, but that’s not who you are. Sure those are features of ya, but there’s so much more to ya, hell there’s more to everyone than that. Most people can’t handle a job like this. Just like how most people aren’t professional painters, or doctors. There’s somethin’ for everyone, and with each new field people can hone their skills, the more opportunity everyone has to shine.

“Now look at where you are, 95% of people who work at this lighthouse die in their first two weeks. You’re in that 5% kid, don’t you get it? I know this may not have been the route you saw yourself takin’ when you graduated high school, but you’re good at it, have confidence in that.

“Anyway, I felt you needed to hear that from someone you respected, keep your head held high, you’re remarkable, kid.”

I smiled shakily, tears forming in my eyes, “Damnit Bill.” I chuckled awkwardly, sniffling to combat the snot making its way out of my nose. I rubbed my eyes, clicking off the document shortly after.

Glancing over the folder again, I saw a page labeled, “The Pill” and clicked on it.

“Hey kid, glad to see you’re still alive. I’m not sure if I’ve given you one of those crystal pills yet. Regardless, I’ll be leaving em in the bag before I die. They ain’t steroids or anything like that. They’re literal crystals infused with neutral soul. You might notice they feel familiar, that’s cause that’s what the lighthouse uses to attract shades. I don’t know all the mumbo jumbo behind em, but essentially, taking one will strengthen your soul, in turn, strengthening your body.

The first few will put you outta commission for days at a time, so you can only use em if you know you’ll have enough time to recuperate. Despite how it sounds though, it doesn’t improve you much. Those pills in the container hold fractions of a soul, meant to slowly increase your potential over time. If you need to get more in the future, or anything else, check out the “FetchQuest” folder. It’s got a bunch of information along with everything you’ll need to get stuff to the lighthouse safely. They can get you literally anything you might need.

Anyway, good luck kid, I’ve got faith in you.”

Instead of feeling sad, I felt… confused. The document had left me with so many questions, with no one to ask.

The growling of my stomach brought me back to the present, reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything in several days. Putting the bowl of chili in the microwave, I wondered why I wasn’t dying of thirst. I mean sure I was thirsty, but it was akin to waking up at 3 a.m. heading to the bathroom sink to chug water from the faucet, thirsty.

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard above the sink and began pouring myself water; my mind losing itself to the day’s events yet again. “What was I really going to do? Could I keep this place running without Bill?” That thought brought a burning sensation back to my eyes. “He had faith in me, but… But what? He wasn’t the kind of person to lie to make you feel better. He was a hard ass, blunt, and needlessly aggressive. He’d only ever complimented me a handful of times, half of which were sarcastic retorts. But what if-”

My thoughts were interrupted by a cold sensation running it’s way over my fingers. I looked down, remembering what I was doing. I shut off the water, grabbing a paper towel to dry off my hand and cup. “What if he just wanted me to have faith in-” The sudden beeping of the microwave nearly caused me to chuck my glass of water, half of it spilling to the floor, “Oh fucking hell!”

I set down my glass and grabbed my bowl from the microwave. Putting the bowl on the counter, I forced myself back into autopilot, “What if all he wanted was for me to have faith in myself so I’d be less likely to fuck up? Does that even make sense? Maybe the best course of action is to just listen to him. No, there’s no maybe about it. If Bill had faith in me, I’ll have faith in myself.”

Tuning back into my surroundings, I realized I’d poured myself more water on top of cleaning up the mess I’d made. “Weird.” I breathed, wondering how I hadn’t realized.

I looked out the window in deep concentration. Sipping from my water, I noticed the sun was already setting. “I sure as hell hope I’m ready.” I muttered out, putting the glass of water down.